Tuesday, June 12th, 2007 by Matt Felser
Snapshots of Futility - 2000 - Pitchers
[Ed. This post became an epic. We have decided to separate it into position players and pitchers.]
For the first installment in our ongoing series, we will be analyzing every player who appeared on the 40-man roster of the 2000 Pittsburgh Pirates. It was the turn of the century…a new millennium. Optimism filled the air, although the Pirates had no right to partake in the excitement, as they had just come off a 78-83 season. By the end of the season, however, Pirates fans would be longing for a record that good. Make the jump to see the team pitchers…
Record: 69-93
Pitchers
Jimmy Anderson - A.k.a “The Fat Pitcher”, 5-11 with a 5.25 ERA. Although I had a severe concussion, I clearly remember meeting him as I lay in the Intensive Care Unit at Children’s Hospital. In full uniform, he walked into the room full of injured kids and began signing autographs. He made his way over to my bed and came within a few inches of giving me a signed ball. My dad, realizing that the painkillers had made me a little hazy, whispered into my ear that the man in front of me was that crappy fat guy, and that I would be better off taking the ball minus the signature. After this sound advice, I turned down the ball and forced Jimmy to walk over to the bed of the kid who had been run over by a ride-on lawnmower.
Bronson Arroyo - Before he was a stud for the Cincinnati Reds, he was a dud for the Pirates, going 2-6 in 12 starts with an ERA that ballooned over 6. If only he had grown his mullet sooner, he would have had a vote of confidence from the local fans.
Kris Benson - Who gives a crap about him and his relatively godly 10-12 record when this was his first season married to stripper/model Anna. You know I won’t pass on the opportunity to link to her site.
Francisco Cordova - Think back to 1998…almost a decade ago. It was the epic, steroid-fueled (more on that later this week) home run race. The Pirates, famous for their advertising tactics (”We Will”, anyone?), ran spots showing that Cordova had struck out both Sammy Sosa AND Mark McGwire in that season. It wasn’t much, but they had that going for them, which is nice.
Matt Skrmetta - Honestly, I can neither remember this guy nor pronounce his name. It probably has something to do with his 9.64 ERA in 9 innings pitched….
Jason Schmidt - Why does this always happen to the Pirates??? They take a mediocre pitcher with tons of potential, sell him for absolutely nothing, and he blossoms into an all-star for his new team. This was Scmidt’s last full season on the team before leaving for San Francisco and making the all-star team 3 of the next 5 years.
Jason Christiansen - Apparently, he wasn’t very good, as he had a 2-8 record and an ERA that was just a drop under 5 in only a half season with the team. He was dumped off to the St. Louis Cardinals for some shortstop named Jack Wilson with goofy teeth.
Brad Clontz - This guy had an ERA that was equal to his number of appearances: 5. He didn’t make the team the following Spring and was out of baseball. However, I can’t rip on him too much, as he won a World Series ring back in 1995 with Atlanta.
Mike Garcia - Similar to Clontz, he was done after this year. However, as he only spent two years in the big leagues with a career record of 1-2, I can make fun of him. Actually, being cut by the Pirates is embarrassing enough. But he did have an ERA over 11…
Rich Loiselle - Its got to suck to be a career Pirate…especially in the middle of such a drought. Maybe Jason Bay should get this guy’s phone number. Interesting fact: even with 40 appearances on the mound, Loiselle did not step up to the plate once during 2000. If only the Pirates were in the AL.
Josias Manzanillo - This guy sticks out in my memory, but I can’t figure out exactly why. I might just be because his name is Josias (is that a variation of Jesus?). Or it could be that he had the lowest ERA of any full-year Pirate, at 3.38. No…its definitely the name.
Brian O’Connor - A one-and-done September call up, after 6 crappy outings (though modest by Pirate standards) he was released. To add to the insult, the Pirates picked him out of free agency only to cut him again. The poor guy couldn’t even make the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.
Jose Parra - This guy played in as many games as O’Connor, and his ERA was 2 points higher. He was even resigned and then cut again as well. The big difference here is that Parra managed to latch on a few years later as a bottom feeder for the Arizona Diamondbacks, and even a few years after that for the New York Mets. Life is unfair.
Chris Peters - Even the man with the lowest ERA on the team, at a highly respectable 2.38, did not make the cut for the next year. After the best season of his career, he was let go. Over the next season, he bounced between the Montreal Expos, Cincinnati Reds, New York Yankees, and the Toronto Blue Jays, where he proceeded to have the worst season of his then-finished career. For once, the Pirates managed to recognize that a pitcher was on his way down.
Todd Ritchie - A year away from becoming the team’s opening day starter, he was the team’s most successful starting pitcher in 2000, with his glorious 9-8 record (one of two starters over .500) and 4.81 ERA (second-best for the starters). His career certainly took an interesting turn after this year and never returned to form. Pirates fans had come to expect this.
Scott Sauerbeck - After breaking into the league the prior season with a 4-1 record and a 2.00 ERA, fans were looking at Sauerbeck to be the teams star reliever. On a team as bad as the Pirates, there isn’t much room for star pitchers. Though he had a respectable season, finishing 5-4 while eating 76 innings, he never really broke through.
Mike Williams - The teams closer, who finished with 24 saves or more than a third of the team’s wins, was supposed to be clutch. STUPID! STUPID! STUPID! Don’t ever put your trust in a Pirate’s closer or they will break your heart. They always make runs of 20+ consecutive saves and then come crashing down. Williams, Mesa, Gonzo, Torres….Capps?
Dan Serafini - Statistically, this guy had a better season than Jason Schmidt. Same starts, same record, lower ERA, and he had just come over from the San Diego Padres earlier in the year. Yet, thats were the comparisons go wrong. As opposed to becoming a perennial all-star, Serafini was cut the following year and was out of baseball until 2004. But at least he can brag that he was better than Schmidt for one year.
Jose Silva - Though he only started 19 games, Silva had more wins than any other Pirate pitcher. He was even above .500, which he managed with a 5.56 ERA. Apparently, the bats came alive when Silva was on the mound. Unfortunately, this was another case of a Pirates pitcher providing false hope, as he never reached the same performance.
Brian Smith - This is another guy that I have no recollection of. He sucked pretty badly, as he appeared in only 3 games but had an ERA well over 10. After this season, he was cut, like half of the other pitchers on the team. However, his crappiness is notable in that he never even managed to sign on with another team. Three games in the big leagues and then back to flipping burgers by age 28.
Steve Sparks - Like Smith, Sparks only lasted in the majors for 3 games before being out for good. At least his last name set him up for the least original nickname in the dugout. He fared slightly better than Smith, with a much lower ERA, but two years removed from being drafted, he was done.
Jeff Wallace - Another space-filling bum on the Pirate’s roster, this guy appeared in 38 games for the Pirates, recording an ERA of 7.07, although he managed to go 2-0 in that time. Of course, he was cut at the end of the year, went 0-3 with Chicago Cubs in 2001, and was done for good after that. All these pitchers follow the same crummy progression…or regression.
Marc Wilkins - Does anyone actually care anymore about these nobodies (who could probably kill me…) who made the big show for a couple of years before burning out? Wilkins went 4-2 with an ERA over 5 and probably didn’t belong in this league, just like half of the pitchers on this page. I don’t mean to target Wilkins in particular, but how can a major league roster have a full lineup of pitchers that could be rocked by a tee-ball team? It just sickens me.
Keith Osik - Now, I know what your thinking. Osik is a catcher, Jason Kendall’s backup at the time. However, Kendall was a rock behind the plate (152 games started) and records indicate that in 2000, Osik pitched for one inning and let up four runs, giving him a whopping career ERA of 45.00. Fortunately, Zach Duke is on pace to take away the distinction of highest ERA in Pirate’s history.
This was supposed to detail the entire team, but I’m incredibly tired now. This is the most magnificent essay I have ever written. In short, the Pittsburgh Pirate’s bullpen in 2000 sucks very hard. Its 1:30 AM now and I am burnt out…sorry if I became less witty as I went on. I’m done for now, and I’ll have all the position players in a day or two.
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